Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
