I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
