why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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