i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That accounts for only three of the penises
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
