I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
