you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
