3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well you can't waste a boner
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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