In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
