K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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