I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my liver is dry heaving
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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