My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
