sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
