My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
