Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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