why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
