O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
