Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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