I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
