someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
