i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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