): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
