if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
