You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
