I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
