last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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