The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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