true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The struggles of a small town man whore
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm really busy with my period
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