I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
