You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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