happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
