mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
