I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
