Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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