Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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