apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
