This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
