hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize