i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
