can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
