I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
