just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
