I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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