Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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