I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
