No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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