i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
