Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
