It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
