last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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