We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
