he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
