and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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