You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
