I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
