new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize