He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
