Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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