My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
