Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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