If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
