So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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