Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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