just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
