Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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