Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
