So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
