At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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