Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
