Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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