Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
