It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
