I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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