There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
