come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
