shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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