Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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